预估总分：Essay 1 约 Band 6.5，Essay 2 约 Band 6.0。两篇的结构与审题是强项——四段框架完整、立场清晰、都有让步段，TR/CC 可达 6.5–7；主要失分在语法准确度与中式搭配（GR/LR 卡在 5.5–6）。Essay 2 比 Essay 1 语法错误更密集（含粘连句），故低半档。
共同优势：四段式框架完整（立论→主体→让步→结论），立场都清晰，且都写了让步段，词汇有"往上够"的野心（diabetes / cardiovascular / economic downturn）。
共同病灶（按优先级）：
👉 结论：框架与审题已达 6.5–7 水平，真正的提分空间在"写对"——主谓一致、杜绝造词、少硬上倒装。把共性病灶清掉，Essay 1 稳 7、Essay 2 冲 6.5 完全可行。后面有「共性病灶」专章。
审题与连贯是强项（双 7），词汇与语法稳定在 6——个别句子翻车但不影响整体理解，属于"修掉错配就能上 7"的档位。
| 原句（问题处） | 问题 | 修改建议 |
|---|---|---|
| the desire for independence and |
造词：self-alone 不是词 | …and personal space of their own / having their own space |
| live without |
词性：accompany 是动词，这里要名词 | live without company（陪伴） |
| People's expectation … is |
动词误用：intrigued=好奇，语义错；短语生硬 | This expectation is driven by the freedom to manage their time and space when living alone |
| 整句崩坏：倒装+ idiom 混用+ 逻辑矛盾（"长大后"与"现已独立"冲突），不可读 | In the past, young people rarely imagined they would one day make such independent choices on their own.（建议整句重写或删除） | |
| enjoy the |
isolated 偏负面；缺物主代词；it 指代不清 | enjoy solitary time / time alone … enrich their inner world … but this can also strengthen their independence |
| the cost … is quite high, which |
主谓一致：which 指 cost（单数） | which imposes financial pressure on them |
| keeping in touch with |
单复数： family 作集合名词通常单数 | with family and friends |
An increasing number of young people now prefer to live by themselves rather than with family or roommates. In my view, this is generally a positive trend, despite a few drawbacks.
The main reason for this choice is the desire for independence and personal space. Living alone gives people the freedom to manage their own time and surroundings, which in turn helps them become more self-reliant. In solitary time, they can focus on developing skills and building a richer inner life, while also learning to take full responsibility for their daily decisions.
Admittedly, there are downsides. Living alone reduces social interaction, and some may feel lonely. Moreover, the high cost of housing in big cities places financial pressure on young people. However, these issues can be eased by staying in touch with family and friends and by learning to budget carefully.
In conclusion, although living alone has its shortcomings, the independence and personal growth it fosters outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, it is a positive trend.
立场与框架稳（TR/CC 6），但语法错误比 Essay 1 更密（粘连句 + 多处动词形式错），GR/LR 卡在 5.5——修掉这些冲 6.5 不难。
| 原句（问题处） | 问题 | 修改建议 |
|---|---|---|
| the |
搭配/用词：method of government 生硬；practically 误用；human-being's 单复数怪 | governments' approach to effectively improving public health |
| sugary food is a common trigger, |
缺谓语动词；suffering 搭配错 | which causes illness / causes people to suffer from illness |
| food 不可数却加 these/lead；the form of 多余 | this food leads to diabetes | |
| 介词错：under the period 不搭配 | during economic downturns / in times of | |
| governments impose a high tax … |
粘连句（两Clause硬接）；encourage 主谓不一致（应为 encourages） | when governments impose a high tax …, it can be influential, encouraging people to choose healthier options |
| 三连错：build up a habit 错；habit to eat 错；falling the victims 冠词/单复数错；intaking 非词 | develop the habit of eating … falling victim to excessive consumption / intake of | |
| Combining with the |
分词错（应为 Combined）；cultivation/propel 搭配全错 | Combined with efforts to raise / promote public awareness |
| impose a high tax on sugary |
drink 应复数（呼应题目）；in a bid to + 原形 | sugary drinks in a bid to improve |
| injects new vitality into |
accumulating money 不地道；语义模糊 | raising revenue / generating funds that governments can invest in other public services |
Whether governments should impose a high tax on sugary drinks and fast food to improve public health has been widely debated. I firmly believe that such a tax is a necessary and effective measure.
The primary reason is that sugary products are a major cause of illness. As food production has expanded, a wide range of tasty but sugar-rich items has entered daily diets, contributing to diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Furthermore, during economic downturns, price strongly influences people's choices. A high tax on unhealthy food therefore encourages consumers to shift toward healthier options. Not only does this help individuals form better eating habits and save money, but the revenue raised can also fund public services.
Admittedly, taxation alone cannot fully solve public health problems. It must be combined with education to raise awareness of fitness and healthy living, which remains equally urgent.
In conclusion, I am convinced that a high tax on sugary drinks is significant for improving public health, while also generating funds that governments can invest in other areas.
你空间里已有两份写作资料，本篇每一条"需改进"都能在里面找到正确版本，直接拿来用，别临场再造词。